Well for some it is their belief system that holds them back. Thoughts and beliefs such as:
Do any of these sound familiar? These limiting beliefs are very common. Many of my clients when they first start working with me have such belief systems. Take Rita, who told me she felt worthless, every time someone asked her to do something, even though she knew she could do it herself and do it well, she would tell them that "person A" could do it better and they should go and ask "A" to do it. After breaking down where her limiting beliefs had originated and changing them we worked on her belief in what she could do. Rita said "The exercise to recognise my strengths was eye-opening - seeing it written in black and white really made an impact and I am starting to believe in myself far more"
"People with low self-esteem may feel inadequate and have a hard time finding their voice", Marter said. Others might fear conflict, losing a relationship, criticism or rejection, she said.
If you’re a woman, you might have been raised to set aside your needs and opinions and support and agree with others. If you’re a man, you might have been raised to react aggressively with a “my way or the highway” view. Or just the opposite, you might want to be completely different. “[These individuals may be] fearful of provoking aggression when they are present in relationships, or of being ‘a jerk like my father was.’” Said Paterson.
The first step in the path to confidence is recognising the beliefs you have that may be holding you back. Once you are aware what you think and believe you can examine your beliefs rationally and clearly and decide what you want to do.
Recognising that we can choose to believe whatever we want, that we are the ones in control of our own thoughts can be immensely powerful and relieving; and can be a surprise for some. If you have been brought up to think in a certain way, perhaps it has never occurred to you to question those in authority then it can be a real eye-opener to realise that you can choose to think and believe what you want to. Thoughts that put yourself down or make you feel bad do not have to remain, you can choose to get rid of them.
Following a simple step by step process it is possible to examine each negative and limiting belief we hold, understand where it comes from and then choose what we want to do about it. Some questions we can use to examine our beliefs are:
Another reason why some people are more confident than others is stress. How do we handle stressful situations?
“The fight-or-flight response is an evolutionary adaptation that pulls us toward aggression or avoidance, and away from calm, relaxed assertiveness,” Paterson said.
When we are assertive, we feel more confident. When we can calmly state what we want, whilst respecting the needs and wants of others, we feel confident.
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