Imagine a relationship where your partner loves you deeply, values what you have to say and loves to spend time with you. Now imagine that same relationship where you do not believe that you are worthy of their love nor have anything of interest to say. What might happen?
What can happen is the partner stops trying to show you how much you are loved, weary of your constant refusal to acknowledge yourself and dismissing their love for you as impossible for you believe yourself to be "unlovable". How would that feel? What might the long term consequence of such sabotage be do you think?
A life of distance between you?
Such a pattern is remarkably common. We can end up sabotaging the very thing we desire through our belief systems that limit our thinking, hold us back and end up creating the very scenario we want to avoid. AND we are not even aware we are doing it.
It is like a self-fulling prophecy - we believe we are unlovable, therefore we expect our partner not to want to be with us, and we behave in a manner that would be difficult to live with so our partner ends up leaving. "there you go" you say "I told you I was unlovable, their leaving just proves it, or their behaviour proves it"
Now, consider this. How would life be if we loved ourselves, warts and all. Now here I would like to make a disclaimer, I am NOT talking about narcissism, where a person loves themselves to the exclusion of all else. No, what i am referring to here is the realistic love for our self that recognises that we are not perfect and that it is OK not to be perfect, for what is perfection anyway?
So let's put that idea into our self-fulfilling prophecy boxes: We believe in our value and know deep down that we deserve the best, having this belief is likely to lead us to expect the best in others and in how others treat us, this expectation will likely lead to behaviour that supports our self-worth and won't tolerate put downs which in turn will lead to more positive outcomes.
If we see someone who acts with confidence and it is clear they know they are worthy, we are far more likely to treat them with respect and show appreciation for what they do.
So in summary, the crux is our belief system. Get that in line and everything else falls into place. Right? Sounds easy huh? Yet we all know it can be hard to change deep rooted beliefs, yet it IS possible.
If this article resonates with you then I would love for you to join me on my free webinar that starts this journey to self-belief. We will be looking at the impact communication has on our sense of self-worth and what we can do to feel heard.
For when we feel heard, we feel valued, when we feel valued we believe we must have value and so our esteem rises. Join me?
Carrie is passionate about seeing people succeed, be the very best they can be and live the life they deserve.