It's a worrying thought isn't it? Perhaps we are not as in control of our lives and ourselves as we believed we were.
Now, of course we all have people we might turn to for input; trusted colleagues, loved ones, people whose opinion we value. I'm not for a second suggesting that we stop consulting. Not at all, the point here is to reflect on who actually makes the final decision.
Most of us would like to believe it is ourselves who make the final decision on what happens in our lives. But is it?
Let's consider an example situation: Let's say you are considering a change of direction for your career. Perhaps you have been doing the same thing for years and want a change; or maybe you have always wanted to run your own business but took a job because you needed to pay the bills and were unsure how long your business might take to get off the ground, or perhaps you didn't believe you could do it and here you are years later stuck in a job you don't particularly like, never really wanted and you have finally decided to do what you really want to do.
So here you are, you have made the decision, the time is right for you to get your business off the ground and you excitedly tell those nearest and dearest to you of your plans. If you are one of the lucky ones there will be some who are supportive and encourage you; but for many, if not most there will be the naysayers who will make comments like "oh, you can't do that, it will never work..... I knew someone who started their own business and lost $000's....." and so it goes on.
The doubts begin to build in your mind and before you know it another five years have passed and you are still stuck in the same job only now you think its not really worth making the change so you stay in the job. As time progresses you begin to feel regret that you didn't go for it when you had the chance, maybe you even start to blame those you feel "stopped" you.
So how can we stop this? How can we make sure we keep the power over our lives where it belongs - with us.
Here are some simple tips that you can use to stay in control...
1. Be aware of the possibility for handing over your power to others, be aware that some people will seek to take your power
2. Recognise that each of us has the right to be in control of our lives
3. Every time we interact with others and leave the conversation feeling uneasy, unsettled, "bad" consider what happened to your power -
4. Start to become aware of where your power is during a conversation, and if you feel it is moving away from you, pull it back to you. How to do this? Well, simply put awareness is the first step, this gives you the opportunity to take a step back and ask yourself what is right for me here? what do I want?
5. Develop an assertive communication style, this is where you make sure you get your needs met whilst at the same time respecting the needs of others. This is when you will keep the control over you with you.
Interested to find out more? My assertiveness and confidence program takes you through step by step how you can develop an assertive communication style, how you can get more of what you want more of the time. How you ensure you keep the power over you where it belongs...with you.
Carrie is passionate about seeing people succeed, be the very best they can be and live the life they deserve.